on vulnerabilities

Often there are vulnerabilities in our lives that, looking back, we have had hints of along the way but they did not seem life-threatening. These vulnerabilities are exploited in different ways in different souls.


For some, vulnerabilities are exposed through rejection.
For others, through the offer of longed-for-acceptance.


For some, stress and pressure.
For others, time on their hands.


For some, disappointment and anger.
Yet others are most vulnerable following great successes.

How our vulnerabilities are exposed can give insight into how our vulnerabilities were formed.

When startled by our own vulnerability, it is a wise use of prayer space to ask Father God if we have struggled (knowingly or unknowingly) with a lack of mental discipline in the use of our imaginations.

What I find personally and as a mentor is that we are all very vulnerable to using our imaginations to "relax," to picture a different, better, more exciting, more peaceful...reality when the one we perceive ourselves to be experiencing. We tend to think of these imaginations as harmless and perhaps even a form of stress-relief. But untruth creates deadly fault lines in our souls.

If our minds are used to going places that are not within God's current realities for us (which is a different matter than simply being visionary or planning for the future...), then when approached with a suggestion, our mental boundaries are porous--more like a colander than a fortress--and our past lack of mental discipline suddenly becomes a catalyst exponentially taking us down roads we never thought we would ever choose.

(For more on this theme, you may want to read Chapter 37 of Anonymous)

an attempt

Bubbles...picture a 3-year-old blowing bubbles. That's how I feel today -- a clean joy is bubbling deep within. At first I just enjoyed it, then I tried to describe it, and finally realized it's source.

Ultimately, yes, it is God. But more specifically it is partnership with God. We're working together (and loving every minute). There is something of harvest, something of destiny, something of His heart over the ages that I sense myself delighting in. 

I noticed the crescendo late last night. We all spent the day working on Rivendell and then Keona and I stayed until 10pm preparing the home for our first prayer retreat guest who checks in today. The joy was tangible...setting her a special place at the table, arranging her flowers, setting her towels, standing at her chosen room's threshold and praying for her time in the home...indescribable.

So often we "see through the glass darkly" as Paul described (1 Cor 13.12). But every once in a while there's a moment of clarity where we sense/know on every layer of our existence that God is near us...and He's dancing.

His music brings tears to my eyes.

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on multi-tasking and silence

First...on silence, my silence. Those of you awaiting blog notifications, thank you for your patience. I'll explain: On December 15th, Bear and I dove head first into a dream we've had in our hearts for over a decade. God has opened a door to create a lakeside retreat/mentoring home in Branson, MO!

Along with dear friends old and new whom God has surrounded us with, I've spent countless hours researching, studying, selecting colors, praying over furniture choices...designing each room with spiritual rest and renewal in mind. Here's a picture of Lake Taneycomo. More pictures and a website to come :-).

Second on multi-tasking, or lack thereof.

For years I've been intentionally simplifying, living less thickly, with fewer overlapping responsibilities...it helps build up a margin of strength to call upon in full seasons like this one. As a discipline, over the years I have been choosing to multi-task less but this is different.

With this dream taking flight, we've called upon the margin built up in 2009 and now that reservoir is running low. I'm somewhat weary emotionally and mentally from thousands of decisions big and small. In such a season, out of necessity (not from intentional discipline) I find myself less able to multi-task 

So while pouring my creativity into designing the retreat home, I seem unable to simultaneously write or blog, let alone twitter...Seems that when it comes to creativity, I'm mono-focused, especially when committed to a complex project.

Rest Inn Rivendell will open this month and the website should launch next month. I so look forward to sharing the dream with you. We know that many will encounter God in this home, emerge from seasons of sadness, have their faith and vision renewed, and I believe writers will be released within the home as well. The entire home is devoted to Jesus' invitation from Mark 6.31: "Come with me by yourself to a quiet place and get some rest."

If you'd like to receive updates on Rest Inn Rivendell or join our prayer team, simply email me at alicia@truthportraits.com.

So, thank you for your patient waiting on this lost blogger :-). I should be writing more soon.

mouth math

As Bear, Keona, and Louie headed off for kid's church, Jonathan and I hobbled (I'm still in a shockingly large boot because of my broken foot) into the Realife building this past Sunday for the tween's service.

As usual, we sat in the back row reserved for staff. Each week they kindly allow us to camp there because they know that the music and the videos and the energy are sometimes too much for Jonathan. He may jump around for joy during worship or cover his ears when the music cranks up or shout out something sincere that's somehow slightly off cue. In the back row, we enjoy the service in a space where Jonathan can be himself without drawing attention to himself. It's always a special time for us to share.

The speaker this week quoted a word of wisdom he received early on from a pastor: "Make sure your words are always plus signs." He was speaking of how our words need to add something to each environment and aptly used Caleb as an example of someone whose words added something and drew people toward the promised land.

Jonathan--a sleeping math genuis--was intrigued, "So plus words add, minus words takes away, what do multplication words do?"

"Hmmn. Perhaps that's when our words multiply how many people are walking with Jesus," I offered.

"And division?" Jonathan wondered.

"Divisive words are those that cause unnecessary conflict between people," I suggested.

Then we both sat there and thought...about mouth math.

And perhaps is would be wise for me, and for us, to think a bit more. So I invite you to along with me think through all the words you spoke today. Did our words add truth? subtract esteem? multiply the faithful? divide the family?

Mouth math...that for better or for worse, is not easily erased.

Louie's gift

Today wasn't my best day. I'm fighting some sort of cough, sinus, sleepless, tiring...head cold. A quieter person by wiring, today requests sounded like demands and talking sounded like shouting...I'm looking forward to a healthier moment in the near future.

So tonight, Louie and I began our cuddle-time ritual. He chooses a book while I prepare his milk. I tuck him in, read the book in high drama, and we pray together. Then we're supposed to "close eyes an sleep!"

Louie, however, missed his normal cue. Instead he got up and pulled up a big blanket. Struggling to get it open he explained, "Mommy sicky. I tuck you," then he patiently wrestled with the thick quilt to get all the corners smoothed around his coughing Mommy.

As he took the top of the blanket and pulled it up over my neck, he concluded, "it's cold and the dogs are going poop."

I was laughing internally, crying externally. Not sure how it's all related but I heard one message clearly: I am loved.

(and I'm grateful the dogs are outside...)

air-time on the radio

A radio interview. A call-in. A comment that temporarily stunned me.

Click here to read my overdue response to a caller's statement regarding why I respect Atheists.